As I’ve been considering how I’m doing with finding my groove, I’ve felt a little unaccomplished. A good friend told me that having pivoted my life so decisively with conviction, I should give myself credit for that, and allow myself some time to heal. After being sidelined for 2 weeks with kidney stones, I wanted to hit the ground running, and started making some decisions and taking some actions about the future, while also remembering to try to have fun. I’m still a little frustrated, but I just had a bit of an insight which may provide a helpful perspective.
The problem-solving analytical part of me isn’t inspired, it’s driven. When something that should be easy isn’t, there’s some reserve of motivation (and possibly a cognitive reserve – I’m still listening to Clay Shirky’s book about that) that I tap into, where I come up with a tree of possibilities, and quickly experiment by iteration through the branches. When I run out of possibilities, it’s as though I kick in even more motivation — simple problems bore me. Were I to write a poem about it, it could be entitled The Curse of the Dilettante.
I need to set some creative goals that require me to push myself, but which are fully within my and only my control, as that’s how I’ll be able to iterate quickly. Concrete, definable goals. I need to replace some of the bravado in my confidence with sage experience. And with that, I’m going to summon a quad venti skim latte (which I affectionately refer to as a QVSL) from a green-apron-wearing barista on the corner.